[The Editor's Top Ten]

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Okay, sure — I could probably find ten films made for paltry money and released on DVD from budget home video companies, and then trash those. But it's easy to talk about bad films that nobody had high hopes for anyway. The following are the ten worst films yet to be released on DVD that were actually supposed to be blockbuster material — or if they did make money, didn't really deserve to. We're scraping the bottom of the barrel here, movies so bad that I pray I never have to sit through them again. Sure, some of these releases have lots of special edition content, but who cares? All the polish in the world can't disguise cheap shoes.

Counting backwards...

10. The Jackal: Collector's Edition

Everything that was cool about 1973's The Day of the Jackal is tossed aside in this loose remake, and instead Bruce Willis and Richard Gere go mano a mano in a tedious, high-tech action-fest aimed smack-dab in the middle of the 18-25 male demographic. Even the sleek sniper's rifle from the original is abandoned in favor of a truck-mounted cannon. 'Nuff said.

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9. A Perfect Murder

If you're gonna remake a Hitchcock film, the 1953 Dial 'M' For Murder isn't a bad choice, since it's based on a witty, two-room stage play than ran in London for years. Then again, you could just toss that nice source material in the trash and instead write a gloomy remake about rich, superfabulous people who hate each other as much as we hate them. Yawn.

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8. Six Days, Seven Nights

Harrison Ford and Anne Heche really hate each other. Then their plane crashes on a deserted island, where they have to hide from pirates. Seriously.

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7. 1941: Collector's Edition

An incredible feat of incoherence, without a doubt Steven Spielberg's worst film. It's hard to believe that anybody enjoys watching this — getting through more than half an hour is hard enough. It makes that little sense. And the extra content on the DVD doesn't help either.

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6. Patch Adams: Collector's Edition

Robin Williams' cynical pandering to the moviegoing public is camoflauged with his stale stand-up routine and lots of dying children, and the overall message of the film is that if your doctor isn't doing a set at the Comedy Store this weekend, you should sue him for malpractice. With its politically correct demand for compassionate medical care, Patch Adams dares the audience to hate it. I'll take that dare.

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5. Escape From L.A.

Without question one of the worst sequels ever to one of the coolest flicks in history. In Escape From New York, Snake Plissken was the sort of bad-ass who would strangle a man with his bare hands and then light a match off his shoe. Years later, in Southern California, he surfs, hanglides, and plays basketball — that is, when he's not escaping from demented plastic surgeons. What a pussy.

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4. The Mod Squad

At one point in this hollow attempt to get fashion-obsessed teenagers out of the retail shops and into the cineplexes, Giovanni Ribisi has a temper tantrum and declares "I feel I should say I'm getting too old for this shit!" Thanks, Gio — I didn't want to be the one to say that it's shit.

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3. Virus

Is Virus bad? It's actually unwatchable. Apparently, character development was not line-itemed in the hefty budget, and instead we're asked to enjoy two hours of wacky, homicidal robots that are butchering people on an abandoned Russian ship, and the talents of Jamie Lee Curtis, William Baldwin, and Donald Sutherland are completely wasted. After about an hour of this shrill cacophony, it starts to resemble a child's new toy on Christmas morning — and you just want to step on it so it will shut up.

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2. The Avengers

Plot? Incomprehensible. Characters? Thin. Costumes? Plenty. Sean Connery? Terrible. And who ever thought they would say that about him?

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1. Battlefield Earth

The worst movie ever made — or at least the worst movie ever made on a budget that rivals the GNP of most third-world nations.

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Seen a movie on DVD that you just hate? Tell us about it at worstmovies@dvdjournal.com

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